I’ve been lost since I lost you…

Losing you Dad, broke me.  It is like this horrific, terrible and completely irreparable crack that split me in two.  One day I will not cry because you are no longer here but smile because you were here; and always in my heart.  – journal entry from 6/2/17

It is hard to explain, I feel like by now I should be able to pick myself up and move on.

There are days where I have great memories of you and I miss you and I smile with a warm heart.

There are days where I am sinking in a muddy pit and screaming for you but you cannot hear me and you are not there to pull me out.

There are days I miss you so much and all I want is your big bear hug; then I am so angry because you are not here.

There are days where I talk to you as if you are still here and there are days where I am stubborn and in denial that you never left.

Standing in the middle of nowhere, wondering how to begin.  Lost between tomorrow and yesterday, between now and then. – Ray Davies